


you don't have to do this on your own

by joshwrites



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, Mental Health Issues, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 16:52:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13392099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshwrites/pseuds/joshwrites
Summary: Charity is struggling but Vanessa is there for her. Always.





	you don't have to do this on your own

**Author's Note:**

> Just trying to get into the swing of writing again because Writer's Block is seriously kicking me in the butt right now. If you have any prompts that would help me out greatly, you can leave them in the comments or message me over on tumblr at aarondingle.co.vu, anyway hope you enjoy it!

It seems like everything goes up and down in waves. Her emotions— the urge to punch something or someone, motivation, her will to live. Some days she thinks she's on a bit of a high, nothing that bad goes wrong but then the next, she crashes so hard she feels like she could scream for hours on end. And some days she does. When she finally retreats to her bedroom at the end of the night, thoughts and feelings whirring around her head of the day’s events— all she can do is scream into her pillow until the sobs take over.

 

Vanessa hates those days. She catches her pulling at her hair and wiping her eyes when she thinks she can't see. It breaks her heart in two but she doesn’t know what she can do. She doesn’t know how to make it better. If she even  **can**  make it better. She just silently sidles up next to her and holds her, speaking no words but the action in itself speaks volumes. She’s here for her. No matter what she’s going through, she’s here. They don’t have to talk about it. She knows Charity isn’t ready and although it worries her and keeps her up at night at what could possibly be tearing Charity apart like this Vanessa knows that pushing Charity to speak will only drive her further away. So, she just comforts her the best she can. Until Charity snaps back to herself and kicks her out anyway. Vanessa expects it but it still hurts a little every time it happens. 

 

She knows Charity probably thinks that she thinks of her as weak in those moments, she hates when Vanessa sees her like that but she can’t pull herself together quick enough to brush it off so instead just allows Vanessa to wrap her arms around her and rub her back until she can fully calm herself down. Vanessa doesn’t think that though, she knows Charity is human and with whatever she is going through she can’t keep a brave face forever. No when she’s so clearly hurting. Ness just wishes that Charity would let her in. She gets that she’s scared and feels like she has to go through all this on her own but she doesn’t. She really really doesn’t.

 

Charity finds it hard. Finds everything so hard but in the moments that she just allows Vanessa to hold her and whisper comforting words into her ear things seem a little easier. She knows she needs to stop shutting Vanessa out, especially when all she’s doing is try to help but it’s hard. This is what she’s used to. She’s been on her own for so long now, shut everyone out at every turn to protect herself that now she’s not even sure she knows how to let someone else in. But she knows that she wants to with Ness. Because it’s Ness. 

 

What started off as a playful fling gradually became something more, it became more than just hookups. They started to spend time in each other’s company that didn’t just involve lying in a bed or shoved up against a cellar wall. They went on little dates. Well, Charity would never call it a date but that was what it was. They learnt more about each other, slowly opened up and allowed themselves to reveal details about themselves that they wouldn’t openly admit otherwise. Charity held a lot back allowing Vanessa to take forefront in revealing things that she trusted Charity to keep to herself and not blurt out to the whole pub. It took a little while for Vanessa to forget about that and put her trust in Charity again. For a long while she didn’t know what Charity’s game plan was, why she was doing it and what was in it for her before she realised that Charity didn’t have a game plan. 

 

Charity didn’t like to think herself as soft but when it came to Vanessa, she could feel her sharp edges smoothing out. 

 

Some days are such a struggle to just keep being when all she wants to do is stop being. To turn herself off.   
  
Charity takes a deep breath, just to see if she’s still working and Vanessa reaches over to hold her hand. She squeezes it and a moment later she feels Ness squeeze it back. A silent assurance.

 

'I'll get you some new socks, if you like, fluffy ones now that it's getting colder.' Vanessa’s voice is quiet beside her, barely above a whisper as she pulls the blanket that she’d rested on their knees further up their legs. Charity had barely spoken a word to her all day and instead of leaving she just kept her warm and squeezed her hand tighter. 

 

Sometimes Charity believes that Vanessa is kind of magical. She has this ability to take her out of the deepest darkest depths of her mind and distract her with talking nonsense. She makes her believe that nothing bad could ever happen that all she’s ever been is here, safe, with her. Charity so wishes that could be true, she just wants to stay here and wrap herself around Vanessa and share her warmth and never have to leave this room ever again.

 

‘It’s getting late, maybe we should head to bed?’ Vanessa poses it as question as she speaks softly, her thumb rubbing the back of the hand that’s still holding on to her tightly. Charity turns her head to look at her and for a long moment she doesn’t say anything just stares openly at her face before she gives a silent nod in agreement.

 

Vanessa doesn’t let her hand go as she helps her off the couch, just bends down to gather the blanket up with her free hand and silently leads her up the stairs and to her bedroom. 

 

Charity gets ready for bed, pulling off her clothes and throwing them haphazardly across the floor and pulling on a pair of sweats and a tank top. Vanessa watches dubiously, she has no idea whether they’re clean or not and she’s pretty sure Charity doesn’t either. 

 

Vanessa’s not sure whether to stay or not, she just wants to but this is usually the point where Charity kicks her out. Unless there’s sex involved, Charity rarely lets Ness sleep over. 

 

She tucks her into bed and places the blanket over the top of the duvet cover just in case Charity needs the extra warmth and then turns to silent retreat out of the room but she barely makes a step before she feels Charity’s cold fingers wrap around her wrist and pull her back.

 

She turns and looks back down at Charity tucked up in bed and even in the darkness she can see Charity’s wide eyes pleading with her. ‘Stay. Please.’ Her voice is hoarse and filled with emotion. It is clear to her that Charity obviously doesn’t want to alone tonight. 

 

Vanessa responds with a nod of her head before whispering ‘Okay’ and walking around to the other side of the bed. She sits on the edge as she pulls off her shoes, socks and jeans. She slips under the covers and immediately feels an arm curl around her waist and pull her into a warm body. Vanessa happily obliges, wrapping both her arms around Charity and giving her a tight squeeze.

 

She hears a content sigh leave Charity’s lips that brings a small smile to her own face before she lets out a small yelp as Charity’s bare feet make a connection with her legs. They’re bloody freezing and she tells her so.

 

'Your feet are bloody freezing, I'm definitely buying you socks tomorrow.’ Vanessa grumbles, a small pout pulling at her lips and Charity’s only response is a small bout of laughter and hearing that sound in the still of the bedroom makes her stomach swoop. It has been so long since she’d heard genuine laughter leave Charity’s lips, she had missed it. Vanessa smiled again and just held Charity closer to her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](http://aarondingle.co.vu) | [Twitter](http://twitter.com/nessdingle)


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